HEADSLAP

DARK LANDING #9 is now live

2012-02-28T09:33:00.002-08:00

A murderous park rangerette, the defects in divine communications, and disenfranchised dumpster ducks. Were I you, I should not wish to miss any of that.

http://johnklawitter.podomatic.com/entry/2012-02-26T08_44_28-08_00

Should God Let Women Drive Cars?

2012-02-28T09:26:00.000-08:00

A BIT OF BACKGROUND: I wrote this brief rant in response to a troubled woman's rights website. Apparently in Saudi Arabia there is some serious sentiment backed by religious arguments (!) against women driving cars. Now I've from time to time teased my wife about this subject, ever since she backed into that tree (she claims it maliciously jumped over a few feet and smacked our car). Still, it is no joking matter in Saudi Arabia, and though I don't live there, I felt compelled to side with these women, who can never experience the thrill of zipping along with the convertible top down and the wind in their hair, much less the ordinary convenience of driving to the market rather than walking, which, in my own personal value system, certainly should be their right.

Looking around me, from what I see, the 'will of God' appears to be everywhere and in every case subject to human interpretation. To my mind this raises the probability that it is not the actual, undiluted will of Almighty God but rather, at least in part, the subjective (even if at times well-meaning) will of the less-than-almighty interpreters.

A belief system that mandates that "all things are by the will of God" is a good one for maintaining the positions of those who are in the perhaps relatively comfortable positions to interpret the Eternal Will; to cite an analogy, their situation is a bit like that of a small select bunch of happy minnows who have somehow convinced the rest of the minnows that they alone have interpreted the will of the great whale.

Laying 'the way things are' on 'the will of God' is one way to set aside the challenges of human growth. If one judges that all good will always be good and all evil will always be evil and there is nothing a person can do, then of course the next leap is to presume the will of God is to have it so. I personally do not think like that. That is not humility. That is supreme vanity far beyond what is allowed a human being, to presume to have absolute knowledge of the will of God in all things.

Now if it is the interpretation of some 'official interpreters' that God has mandated women should not be the lawful equals of men, then of course they should not drive cars. But I am suspicious of this interpretation. And further, in a world where the will of God once was that there were no cars, and now there are cars, how can it be that God willed that only men, the possibly fallible interpreters of God's will, men only may have the privilege to drive them? Forgive my suspicious nature, but this sounds terribly self-serving. Next, are we to believe males only can gather together at will to drink wine and gamble and lust and do other happy things that God has supposedly dictated that only men may do? Are we to believe men, no matter how individually stupid, are to be the masters of women? Why, minnows, why?

I don't think that we are straying from the question of everywoman's right to get behind the wheel of a Ford or a Ferrari, but rather that we are inquiring as to the heart of why things are as they are, half the world living in societies where women are treated less than as equals to men, subject to unspeakable atrocities, and even where some women are forced to seek justifying doctrines for why this must be so.

As for me posting here, I do not think you should put too much faith in my thinking. I am just a simple person, a moderately educated man, true, but just a simple person who looks for common sense solutions to everyday problems. This world we share is not as confusing as it seems, but it is a very difficult time made dangerous by the shrinking globe and the clash of cultures. We are all on a journey of exploration into the unknown. I say to you all, as I do at the end of my radio show, Be thoughtful, be kind, be patient, be true...and be safe comrade travelers...

Begging The Choosers

2011-09-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

I suppose all candidates for public office pitch for pennies one way or another. It's just that I find the continuing stream of Send Money Right Now! emails from Ron Paul particularly annoying. You want me to vote for you--and for some undefined reason I'm also supposed to give you money? Mr. Paul is a particularly erudite man on constitutional matters, has America's interests at heart, and is doing better than he's ever done before. But it would be foolish to send him money, for he is not going to get the Republican nomination to run for President, and he can blame no one but himself. It's his personality, you see, or rather, his lack of it. Ron Paul has an eerie resemblance to William H. Macy in The Cooler. All he has to do is open his mouth and he sucks enthusiasm out of the room. And he doesn't stop talking until you've forgotten the question. With the sheer force of his non-personality, he overpowers you to change the channel.or head out into the parking lot to find your car. The Grand Old Party wouldn't dare put Mr. Paul in a Presidential Debate with President Obama; it would be like throwing some noble stag in tight quarters with a hungry wolf. Hey, give Obama that--he may not have any real ideas and certainly doesn't have your back, your front or your sides, but the fellow sounds his big, empty drum with all the smug confidence of a black Alex Baldwin, if you can imagine. Why do I blather on about my petty annoyance? Time is short and you already know these things.

Progressive or regressive thinking?.

2011-09-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

Talking politics with a liberal is like trying to discuss religion with a bull-headed Baptist or a rabid Muslim. Believe me, working in show biz, one tires of it. I've come to realize nobody can make a true believer think logically or clearly. Emotional thinkers argue from feelings, not reality. They will insist their feelings are the reality. Since there is no evidence to back such claims, their voices rise, their comments become personal and belittling, and eventually they wander off to find someone of like mind to bind their wounds. Sometimes the need for survival will provide them a clarifying knock on the head, and occasionally a wandering progressive or religious follower may make it out of the swamp of pure blind empathy, recognize how badly they have been duped, and wander off, completely insane, to howl at the moon. This new state of mind is an improvement, for it allows hope back in the equation.

Social Networking

2011-08-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

Connectivity is like brackish backwash, a current moving
entire generations toward tribalism. To my own shame, I have
personally found it easier to be foolish or cruel in a mob.

VIDMAKER 101

2011-07-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

That's the name of my new How To manual. I'm writing it, about 2/3 finished. It gives away many secrets and tips on how to create professional, award winning, low budget films and videos.

The Friends of Steve McQueen Charity Event JUNE 3-4, 2011

2011-06-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

I'm back home from the Friends of Steve McQueen charity event in Chino Hills. On Friday night they ran a 15 minute documentary I wrote and produced a long time ago on 'the making of Le Mans', Steve's racing picture. I gave a brief intro speech talking about Steve's vision of what his film was intended to be, and met Steve's son Chad for the first time since 1970 when he was a young kid on the set in France. Jonathon Williams, Ferrari racing car driver was there and we renewed our friendship. (You will hear about him in my book on survival in Hollywood, TINSEL WILDERNESS, in the story Jonathon Williams' Lucky Walnut) Also, there was a car show and book signing the next morning. Biographer Marshall Terrill (has written 3 books on Steve) was sitting on my right and automotive historian Michael Keyser on my left. As I'd contributed slightly to both their works, I was signing their covers right and left. Down the line Jonathon and Hal Hamilton (actor in the Le Mans movie) and Victor "Quick Vic" Elford, winning race car driver.

New First TP Article: Come Out Of The Closet!

2011-05-17T09:50:00.001-07:00

http://1stturningpoint.com/?p=6431

Crashing Hollywood

2011-03-22T10:36:00.001-07:00

You not properly appreciated in Hollywood? How dare they?

Here's a few thoughts on what to do about that:

http://1stturningpoint.com/?p=6159&cpage=1#comment-58645

best,

John K.

Not Required Reading for Nora, Stephen, Scott or John...and maybe you...

2010-12-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

If you've already made your bones as a writer,

you can probably ignore my new column in 1st Turning Point.

If not, and if you have the time, it's at:

http://1stturningpoint.com/?p=5590

Season's Best,

John K.

CORRUPTIFORNIA

2010-12-01T07:35:00.000-08:00

This state is so corrupt nobody raises an eyebrow that the union standing the most to lose if Meg Whitman won the race for governor managed the dirty trick of the century to pull her down, framing her for somehow exploiting a Hispanic housekeeper. Throw enough money behind anything and you can fool some of the people some of the time: in this case, just enough Hispanics to squeak out a win for Governer Moonbeam, as he was commonly referred to the last time he failed miserably at the job. The only honorable thing for Jerry Brown to do is to wash his hands of the whole mess and resign...oh, wait, he's in bed with the unions. They poured in huge money to fund his anti-Meg campaign, the one with the indignation over Meg being against the poor working people of California and for the evil oil consortiums and against sweet pure air and green trees and for sending jobs to China and making a lot of money in business. So one has to at least suspect Jerry was in on the Hispanic Housekeeper Trick in the first place. God only knows, maybe it was his idea, that old Jesuit cunning coming into play. Well, one good thing, the Dems have found a way to slow the tide of illegals. With business leaving the state at a fast trot, with cities, counties and the state coffers dry and with prices, taxes and unemployment levels at record levels, nobody's going to be able to afford housekeepers or lawn snippers. Or buy food or gas, or pay the mortgage, for that matter.

Question

2010-11-27T12:50:00.000-08:00

Are ARCs like draft copies of CreateSpace novels?

Whoops.

2010-11-23T19:14:00.000-08:00

Watching Miss Goldberg settle in on The Bill O'Reilly Show last night, I was reminded of that butt approaching the barbed wire bike seat in that hemorrhoids commercial that seems to run every night just around dinnertime.

Golden State Election Results

2010-11-04T14:37:00.000-07:00

My lib friends are all telling me, Hey JackBlackFlag, if you don't like it, go live somewhere else. Well, I may have to. Them, too.

Boxer, squared

2010-11-04T14:35:00.000-07:00

Lincoln was right, You can't fool all of the people all of the time. But Barbara Boxer is living proof you can fool most of them.

Brown, again.

2010-11-04T14:28:00.000-07:00

Oh. Crap.

On Term Limits

2010-11-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

The tendency for those who wish to remain in power is to bend the laws of everything to their own magnetic core.

Jerry Brown

2010-11-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Barack Obama

2010-10-31T10:32:00.000-07:00

The Wizzle of Fizzle.

Juan Williams

2010-10-30T10:43:00.001-07:00

NPR-ed & feathered.

Joy Behar

2010-10-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

Unwittingly, Archie Bunker in a bra

Master Song maker Mark Henderson Responds to Miff-a-Muslim Day

2010-09-13T16:30:00.000-07:00

Hi John,
I read your MAM day blog and thought you might be interested in reading this. I saw it yesterday on a CNN comment page - it is right on.
I send my best
Mark Henderson

Should there be a mosque near Ground Zero? In fact, what is proposed is not a mosque -- nor even an "Islamic cultural center."
In Islam, every structure linked to the faith and its rituals has a precise function and character. A mosque is a one-story gallery built around an atrium with a mihrab (a niche pointing to Mecca) and one, or in the case of Shiites two, minarets.
Other Islamic structures, such as harams, zawiyyahs, husseinyiahs and takiyahs, also obey strict architectural rules. Yet the building used for spreading the faith is known as Dar al-Tabligh, or House of Proselytizing.
This 13-story multifunctional structure couldn't be any of the above.
The groups fighting for the project know this; this is why they sometimes call it an Islamic cultural center. But there is no such thing as an Islamic culture.
Islam is a religion, not a culture. Each of the 57 Muslim-majority nations has its own distinct culture -- and the Bengali culture has little in common with the Nigerian. Then, too, most of those countries have their own cultural offices in the US, especially in New York.
Islam is an ingredient in dozens of cultures, not a culture on its own.
In theory, at least, the culture of American Muslims should be American. Of course, this being America, each ethnic community has its distinct cultural memories -- the Iranians in Los Angeles are different from the Arabs in Dearborn.
In fact, the proposed structure is known in Islamic history as a rabat -- literally a connector. The first rabat appeared at the time of the Prophet.
The Prophet imposed his rule on parts of Arabia through a series of ghazvas, or razzias (the origin of the English word "raid"). The ghazva was designed to terrorize the infidels, convince them that their civilization was doomed and force them to submit to Islamic rule. Those who participated in the ghazva were known as the ghazis, or raiders.
After each ghazva, the Prophet ordered the creation of a rabat -- or a point of contact at the heart of the infidel territory raided. The rabat consisted of an area for prayer, a section for the raiders to eat and rest and facilities to train and prepare for future razzias. Later Muslim rulers used the tactic of ghazva to conquer territory in the Persian and Byzantine empires. After each raid, they built a rabat to prepare for the next razzia.
It is no coincidence that Islamists routinely use the term ghazva to describe the 9/11 attacks against New York and Washington. The terrorists who carried out the attack are referred to as ghazis or shahids (martyrs).
Thus, building a rabat close to Ground Zero would be in accordance with a tradition started by the Prophet. To all those who believe and hope that the 9/11 ghazva would lead to the destruction of the American "Great Satan," this would be of great symbolic value.
Faced with the anger of New Yorkers, the promoters of the project have started calling it the Cordoba House, echoing President Obama's assertion that it would be used to propagate "moderate" Islam.
The argument is that Cordoba, in southern Spain, was a city where followers of Islam, Christianity and Judaism lived together in peace and produced literature and philosophy.
In fact, Cordoba's history is full of stories of oppression and massacre, prompted by religious fanaticism. It is true that the Muslim rulers of Cordoba didn't force their Christian and Jewish subjects to accept Islam. However, non-Muslims could keep their faith and enjoy state protection only as dhimmis (bonded ones) by paying a poll tax in a system of religious apartheid.
If whatever peace and harmony that is supposed to have existed in Cordoba were the fruit of "Muslim rule," the subtext is that the United States would enjoy similar peace and harmony under Islamic rule.
A rabat in the heart of Manhattan would be of great symbolic value to those who want a high-profile, "in your face" projection of Islam in the infidel West.
This thirst for visibility is translated into increasingly provocative forms of hijab, notably the niqab (mask) and the burqa. The same quest mobilized hundreds of Muslims in Paris the other day to close a whole street so that they could have a Ramadan prayer in the middle of the rush hour.
One of those taking part in the demonstration told French radio that the aim was to "show we are here." "You used to be in our capitals for centuries," he said. "Now, it is our turn to be in the heart of your cities."
Before deciding whether to support or oppose the "Cordoba" project, New Yorkers should consider what it is that they would be buying.

Miff-A-Muslim Day

2010-09-10T15:55:00.001-07:00

Once the Gang of Righteousness got all huffy over that bitty Christian minister in Florida, I figured I'd go after .5 seconds of fame by burning my own copy of the Koran, but I looked around the house and I didn't have one. I tried a weekly copy of TIME magazine, but it's gotten so thin it went up right away in just one unsatisfactory flare. By now I was a bit panic-stricken. I certainly wasn't going to ignite my weighty Random House Dictionary of the English Language even though I do have spell-check, and it felt like a sacrilege to burn my copy of The Complete Stories of Flannery O'Connor. One step short of dispair, I got out my Bic holiday flamethrower and was finally able to start up a Bible and a Book of Mormon in the Webby Grill. But neither of them burned very well, they just smoldered and threw off an evil odor under the sacred black dome. Since I was also BBQ-ing some chicken wings at the time, I was about to call the whole celebration off when my neighbors sensed something in the air and texted the fire department. By the time the men in yellow hats came, I had both the hot wings and the reading material under three inches of water, but this is Southern California so they gave me a ticket citing me for air pollution, anyway.

Never one to give up on a questionable course of action, I figured I still had time to get in on the Miff-a-Muslim deal, so I went down the street to the local mosque to see if they would sell me one, but since I've last been by they've built up that place like a fortress. No kidding, double fences, block walls, and the fortified house of worship is dug in on a hilltop in the first place. I haven't seen such a defensive perimeter since the Fearsomed Foursome, The Purple People Eaters, and the zap-topped 35 foot high double cyclones around the National Security Agency's TOP SECRET Codeword Puzzle Palace. Even with all that, there were no armed guards and it looked like I might get in if I could physically hoof it up the steep grade and squeeze in the big iron gates which were invitingly a few feet ajar. But then I theorized I might have trouble getting back out, particularly when I explained I was there to help celebrate International Koran Burning Day or whatever the hell the dipsy-doodle reverend from Gaterland was trying to do.

He may be crazy, but MAM Day does make some sense if you see value in poking hornet nests. Actually, there is some merit in it, if only as a reality check. Hornets are temperamental, they do sting and they can kill you. You and I know this, but most of the joyful social curtsy bunch that constantly maneuver to do all our thinking for us seem to think otherwise. They have forgotten that, while we believe all men have equal rights, some of the new folks who have moved in next door are intent on replacing your and my values with their own. Although trans-continental, this isn't one of those metamorphic processes that takes place over geologic epochs...it's happening here and now. So maybe MAM Day isn't as wackobird an idea as it sounds...unless you like the alternative, which would be to retreat to some other largely unoccupied New World where we can practice the freedoms we came here for in the first place. I think there's still Antarctica. Maybe we could thaw Greenland or drain some place that's only a few feet under the ocean, like the Dutch did. Does anybody own Tierra del Fuego?

Nam Vet Jack Waer Passes At Age 75

2010-08-23T11:26:00.000-07:00

Twenty Seven year U.S. army veteran Jack Waer served a total of 9 years and 11 months in Southeast Asia, beginning in 1954 when he was parachuted as a U.S. Ranger 'observer' in to Dien Bien Phu. Jack, known affectionately to his friends as "Crazy Jack", served as a linguist, translator and ASA intelligence specialist, earning a bunch of medals including six purple hearts. A patriot and loyal friend, he will be missed. Some few
short stories of his military experiences that he authored are published in TANS (amazon.com)

Jack Waer at Cu Chi

It's Only A Game

2010-06-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

I read on Drudge today Tiger Woods is settling his divorce for 750 million. If the reports are anywhere near accurate, he had affairs with 17 ladies. Assuming my math is correct, that amounts to roughly 44 million for each adventure in infidelity. I predict a return to a new, better Tiger on the course, one with ice in his veins. What? Me worry about a lousy putt that might only cost me 2.5 million? Don't be silly, fool.

EXTINCTION dramatic short

2010-06-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCKNUi1A-GA

Save a whale and chop a tree. Stop drilling and put a giant windmill on your lawn. Whatever, the choices aren't easy. And sometimes we don't think them through. Take the case of Miss Twillinger, high school biology teacher. Filled with pride at being on top of the food chain, and with responsibility to safeguard the planet, she heads to the desert to 'save endangered species.'

I know there are those of you out there who will beg off, "nobody is that naive." You could be right, but I have observed tree huggers, and there seem to be no mirrors in the forest.

best,
John K.

THE FIRST PODCAST

2010-06-12T07:32:00.000-07:00

Supposedly there exists a 'wax cylinder' audio recording of Alfred Lord Tennyson reading the first stanza of "Charge of the Light Brigade".

LET'S NOT GO ALL CRAZY HERE

2010-06-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

Stephen Hawking is truly one of the wonders of the world. But his recent interview suggests he falls a few ticks shy of god status. The "big draw" of the interview was his comment to the effect that there "may be" aliens out there, and they may not like us. But the centerpiece was the series of questions he posed: Where did we come from? In other words, how and why did the universe come into being? Are we (as sentient beings) alone in the universe? Why are we here? That is, what is our purpose for being here? Where are we going?

Big, important questions. The answers...well, he didn't really give any. His conclusions seemed about the same fustered mulling as the average intellectual's, whether religious or anti-god, and actually resembled the sort of conjecture you or I might come up with after our 2nd glass of wine. Stephen thinks chances are there are alien creatures/cultures out there. Well, so did the producers of The Blob and War of the Worlds. Taking the other side, he notes there is no concrete evidence of such visiters...not exactly news. However, noting the billions of star systems and millions of planets out there, he gives a nod to the probability. As to who we are, what we are doing here and where we are going... well, he did ask the right questions, the same ones people everywhere both ordinary and famous have been asking since the dawn of time.

So tonight, looking up at the stars, let's raise a toast to Stephen Hawking, for his courage in the face of adversity, and for his honest curiosity. And then a toast to each other for the same. And, powers that be, forgive us if we don't genuflect.

Indians, Missionaries, Pioneers, Developers

2010-06-04T06:45:00.000-07:00

When the Europeans came to the Midwestern United States, the views of the missionaries must have been discomforting to the shamens of the Iroquis Nation. But they were hunting souls, not land, so it was a curious but not society-shaking intrusion on their way of life. When the pioneers came, cut and cleared the forests and plowed the land, that was a revelation of a more serious order. Who would have known that, barely two hundred later, many of the farmer-descendants of those original settlers would be forced off their land by incorporation and development? On a basic level, there's probably not much difference between an American Indian who has lost his way of life and an American farmer who has lost his.

THE LYING GAME

2010-05-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

The way I understand it, Jacquie Rogers has tagged me and now I have to tell 6 truths and one lie or six lies and one truth, people guess and the winner gets something.

Okay:

1) Natalie Wood once teased me about her special silk French panties.

2) Director Brian Forbes was furious with me for telling the truth on the set of our Jacquie Bisset Lux Beauty Soap shoot.

3) I wrote song lyrics for Disney's NBC Show, "Disney's Wonderful World" and they still run in Eastern Europe and other places.

4) Steve McQueen and I had a shootout over money and I lost big-time.

5) I optioned my screenplay STYX based on Chris Hyde's world-wide bestselling novel not once but twice..

6) Rod Serling was supportive and friendly to aspiring young writers.

7) When Disney did ads for Watcher in the Woods they warned family audiences to stay away because it was too frightening.

So if you get it right, you will win a rare DVD copy of my dramatic film short "Extinction," which I'll have to hand-produce and snail mail to your address.

So Why Do I Record My Books as Audio Books?

2010-05-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

Historians say Lincoln had a high pitched and reedy voice, while Stephen Douglas had a powerful bass. Too bad nobody recorded any of that. What kind of voice do I have? You can hear free samples of the thunder and the magic by going to audiobooks.com and typing "John Klawitter" in the SEARCH box. Once you get to the page featuring my books, there are free samples to awe your auditory sensibilities. Man, don't you wish Abe had his own page on audiobooks.com?

New Book Trailer HOLLYWOOD HAVOC: The Trouble With Fat Boy

2010-05-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

I've just put up a new book trailer for HOLLYWOOD HAVOC: The Trouble With Fat Boy, my EPPIE AWARD WINNING action/thriller novel. It's running on YouTube, but you can see it by clicking below.

See what kind of trouble Matt "Hollywood" Havoc is in.

AVATARIC GRUMBULATIONS

2010-04-29T12:57:00.000-07:00

I know some disgruntled sci fi addicts have been arguing Avatar is too

much like Dances With Wolves (and a few other pics). In my opinion that's

an unfair comment in this age of genre driven entertainment. I didn't

hear any outcry that The Hurt Locker was too like The War Lover or The

English Patient or Platoon.

Was Avatar a perfect picture? No, of course not. Every picture fights

production realities from the moment it is green lighted. But you have

to think it broke new ground in filmic directions as did Kubrick with 2001.

Was Avatar some revolutionary new story concept? No, but I don't know

how you can say that about any story since the Greek theater.

As those who are grumbling about a 'waste of millions upon millions of

dollars', what's that all about? Wasted on what? The production of

Avatar certainly employed a lot of people in this business for a long period

of time, and it was financially successful and so the filmmakers

live another day to make more pictures in the uncertain and fickle

entertainment industry.

Go Nuts!

2010-04-09T09:06:00.000-07:00

WRITERS QUIETLY OR SECRETLY HIRING OTHER WRITERS TO WRITE FOR THEM

2010-04-04T19:37:00.000-07:00

An author who hires ghosts to do the actual writing under his name makes a statement about himself, his work, the publishing industry and readers who accept the practice.

James Patterson (who reportedly assembles novels in this fashion) isn't Hemingway any more than genre writing is great literature. Still, pure genre writing has different standards than classic literature and arguably a different purpose. Higher? Lower? Depends on your point of view. Is the man who paints a house any less noble than the man who paints an oil of a pot of swirling sunflowers? Some might say so, seeing the sunflowers are worth millions while the painted house is, well, sitting there fading in the sun. You pick; it's your POV.

Publishing, regardless of what you've heard, is a business, and house painters generally make lots more than struggling novelists. So, again, who is more noble? And since publishing is a business, just how does nobility apply in the first place?

Patterson is popular and successful, so whether or not he writes by assembly line, paint by numbers or connect the dots, I don't read him, so I don't care how he manufactures his novels. He's found his way just like Henry Ford; it works for him, it works for his publishers, it works for his readers. As a scribbler myself, doing it his way would make me uneasy, but that doesn't tell you much because I don't collaborate well. I find it too crowded for more than one at the keyboard. You too, maybe? My partner barely taps a sentence in and I'm struggling to get past his or her elbow to the delete key.

That said, have you read Vincent Lardo's attempts to write "Lawrence Sanders" Archy McNally detective novels? I place the name Lawrence Sanders in quotes because poor (rich) Lawrence is dead and yet the publisher has put the deceased author's name huge on the covers, as if LS actually wrote the new books. Then, in small white type at the bottom, the tiny disclaimer, "An Archy McNally Novel by Vincent Lardo." The first problem I have is with the grossly misleading presentation, presumably some sort of quiet arrangement between enterprising publishers, ambitious Lardo and the Sanders estate. Readers certainly weren't asked, or they might well have advised that Lardo had not mastered Sanders' plotting or his style. Yet my opinion on this is a little unfair; the McNally novels are so deftly wonderful that maybe nobody could ever do them justice.

I'll give you another example: Robert B. Parker trying to write Raymond Chandler novels. Parker had (he died recently) a marvelous style of his own and several firm narrative voices. Spenser first and foremost, principled and yet laconic, thuggish and yet aristocratic, a master of taut, haiku-sparse narration laced with humor. You'd think Robert B. would be perfect to continue Chandler's sparse tough guy style. But he wasn't.

The real problem--and it folds neatly into our original discussion, if in a somewhat back-door way--is that ghosting is tough stuff, friends. Let's show a little sympathy here. Let's set aside Patterson in favor of his unsung deck-o-scribblers. My hat is off to the scribes themselves, the lonely journeyman craft-persons who can plow and weed and hoe and harvest popular tales flavored by the wealthy master and somehow keep their spirits alive while sharecropping in the shadows for peanuts. To them one and all, I doff my cap and say You're a better man (or lady) than I am, Gunga Din.

best,

John K.

THE BEST BOOK TRAILERS

2010-03-26T18:21:00.000-07:00

I do make a really mean book trailer. Should you doubt this, go to www.youtube, go to search

and type in 'gnarkgnark1' You will have no choice but to agree. As for the picture, that's an ancient shot of me on the set of the Steve McQueen racing movie LeMans. It doesn't have anything to do with my book trailers...well, not directly, but use your imagination.

THE BIBLE ON YOUTUBE

2010-03-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

Oh, yeah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFtngfuPKXc

TWISTED TAILS IV named FINALIST in FOREWORD AWARDS BOOK OF THE YEAR

2010-03-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

TWISTED TAILS IV: FANTASTIC FLIGHTS OF FANTASY has placed as Finalist in the Anthologies category of the 2009 ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards. The 16 short stories in TT IV are:

1. Megan’s Baby by Kim McDougall

2. Anti-Diver by David L. Kuzminski

3. Osculating Bufonidae by J. Richard Jacobs

4. Repo Girl and the Fortune Faerie by Marilyn Peake

5. The Man Who was a few Pixels Out by Biff Mitchell

6. And Dance by the Light of the Moon by Joyce K. Jensen

7. The Guardian by Todd R. Snow

8. La Niña by Terence West

9. Crimson Dawn by Margaret Whitley

10. Atypical Traits by Ann Dulhanty

11. Roller Duck by John Klawitter

12. Brutus and the Pig by J. Richard Jacobs

13. Space Ace by John Klawitter

14. Last Flight by Clay Rhett

15. Sex and the Emerald City by K. L. Nappier

16. Evil Witch by Ann Dulhanty

J. Richard Jacobs' TT IV has been chosen along with anthologies by many big names in literature. One book, edited by Peter Straub, includes short stories by Stephen King, Joyce Carol Oates, and Ray Bradbury, and classic writers including Edgar Allan Poe, F. Scott Fitzgerald,Tennessee Williams, many others. Another book includes classics by authors including John Steinbeck, Jack London, Mark Twain, many others. Here's the list of Finalists in the category:

http://www.bookoftheyearawards.com/finalists/2009/category/anthologies

Winners will be announced at BookExpo America on May 25

AMAZONIAN ADVENTURES

2010-03-14T13:16:00.000-07:00

There are times, when I set out on amazon.com, that I feel like I'm somewhat up the creek without a paddle. I found out today that my 'author's page' only showed one of my dozen or so books. The ritual is, I had to go to this special page and 'claim them.' It makes me wonder how many other web opportunities I've been ignoring, chances to market my novels. Key words, for instance. I won two EPPIE Awards last year, one for Best Non-Fiction Book and one for Best Action/Adventure novel. There's got to be some way to input that somewhere so some readers hear about the wonder & the glory that is...well, err, uh...me..

TARNISH UNDER THE VARNISH

2010-03-11T10:15:00.000-08:00

Now I don't have a dog in this fight; I'm beholden to no studio and I don't care if the pit bulls are male, bitches or neutered. But Avatar is truly a cinematic milestone, probably best picture of the decade. The Hurt Locker is a good picture, but certainly not Best Picture. How could this happen? Well, for one thing, campaigns to sway 6,000 'professionals' who are voting members of the academy were costly and effective, and so blatant one of the producers of THL got his hand slapped. As Barbra Streisand* aptly put it, 'history was made' in presenting 'Best Director' to the first female director. Buz is, James Cameron's ex got the female vote while James had 'already won everything anyway for Titanic'. Those of you who follow these things recognize Best Director and Best Picture oft times march hand in hand. Just another reason why the People's Choice awards gain respect year after year, while Oscar continues to tarnish under the varnish.

*Insiders will wonder how the reclusive Barbra was lured from her Malibu retreat for the 'historical' presentation...are the sealed envelopes actually that sealed?

SEE SPOT RUN

2010-03-09T15:05:00.000-08:00

There's a new video on YouTube for TWISTED TAILS V. You can see it at http://www.youtube.com/user/GnarkGnark1?feature=mhw4
Or go to YouTube and type in "Search": "TWISTED TAILS VOL V Book Trailer - Authors"

I think it's too long, but I produced it so I can say anything I want. The only way I could think of to make it shorter would have been to take out my multiple credits for writing, producing and so on, and I wasn't about to do that. I'm just as bad as the Oscar Awards, crushed under the weight of my own ego.

WHAT ROME THINKS OF THE BIBLE

2010-03-06T08:57:00.000-08:00

The Rogue Pirates Bible Heretical
Tales from the Biblical Zone
by John Klawitter
Review by Mary Therese Burns-De Francesco, Rome , Italy
~~ Rome correspondent for the La Gazzetta Italiana newspaper
Whymiscal, very human take on previously chiselled in stone biblical characters by author John Klawitter, who did for the Bible what Douglas Addams did for space travel with the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Klawitter brings home the characters and shows us they're good old guys and gals just like us, who happened to live in an amazing time full of burning bushes, angelic apparitions and thunder strikes on cue. Not to mention neanderthals, aliens and pirate spaceships....
Klawitter's other works also show an admirable capacity for understanding human nature and society as is, not how we wish it were, and his characters often feel like we already know them, they are quite believable, in effect. Many of his books are chock full of action like a Hollywood movie and it's hard to put them down, he did the same in this collection of short tales, one wants to read it over and over again and wishes there were more stories to read. I am an old fan of John Klawitter's work, I enjoy his mature tales, like only a master storyteller can tell them. I am enamoured of this world he invented, of the frame of the Rogue pirates to tell these age-old stories with a new twist, I really would love to see more development of the space pirate theme, I can't get enough of it, my mind keeps wondering about that world in my free time, I hope that John Klawitter will reveal more of that world to readers in the future.
A thumbs up to The Rogue Pirates Bible Heretical.

http://tinyurl.com/PirBib1

OKAY, OKAY, COMPLETE DISCLOSURE

2010-03-05T07:58:00.000-08:00

My other new short story, Doreen & The Spaceman is also featured in Vol V of J. Richard Jacobs acclaimed sci-fi/fantasy series, TWISTED TAILS. The link, instead of being right here, is directly below the book cover, as if it were about to be eaten by the dragon. It's only a tiny url, so maybe he won't notice it. http://tinyurl.com/TTVJK101

DON'T BLAME ME

2010-03-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

My new short story, Don't Blame Me is featured in Vol V of J. Richard Jacobs acclaimed sci-fi/fantasy series, TWISTED TAILS. The link, instead of being right here, is directly below the book cover, as if it were about to be eaten by the dragon. It's only a tiny url, so maybe he won't notice it. http://tinyurl.com/TTVJK101

QUIT YOUR BITCHING

2010-03-03T08:18:00.000-08:00

She's your muse. You chose her. An hour a day is all she asks. So come on, get on with it.

YOU WANT EASY, GET A JOB AT TACO BELL

2010-02-28T13:04:00.000-08:00

COMPLICATIONS OF MARKETING BOOKS, my essays on, available free at http://1stturningpoint.com/?cat=17

CAVE FOR SALE

2010-02-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

For many years now, I've owned screenplay rights to STYX, a worldwide best-selling novel by Canadian novelist Christopher Hyde. It's an action/suspense picture that takes place in caves. Lots of underground white water rafting. We've sunk a lot into screenplay adaptations, into developing the picture, and location scouting around the world. One of the cave systems we researched is the Postonia Jama in Slovinia, actually about sixty kilometers east, across the border from Italy. Today I got word that we might not be able to shoot there--but we could buy them for $20 million Euros. Only in show biz, right?

WHAT ZOETROPE THINKS OF THE BIBLE

2010-02-17T15:55:00.000-08:00

HERE'S WHAT THE WRITER-REVIEWERS AT zoetrope.com SAY OF THE STORIES AND THE WRITING IN JOHN KLAWITTER'S THE ROGUE PIRATES BIBLE HERETICAL

Moon Boy
"An arresting new look at Jesus' early years that deftly in a few paragraphs characterizes the ingredients of a great man - persistence, questioning, curiosity, courage and conviction. I am sure this will be picked up soon by some hot shot and made into a film."
-Ramesh Avadhani
"I think you should be writing cartoons for Comedy Central. I liked this story a lot, and loved some of your sentences. I'm looking forward to reading more tales from the Pirates Bible."
- Barbara Milton
"Hallelujah, Moon Boy! I had lots of fun with this one. Nice imagination. The use of the brothers and the two priests was well done...good stuff, easy to read and fun."
- Tim Biddlefield

Whopper
"I've been blessed on reading great stories like yours that raise the level up for all writers. Slackers check this out, you'll have a be3tter idea of talent backed up by the effort to get it right!"
- David Weber
"This is one of my favorite of the Pirate's Bible stories; it does exactly what it aims to accomplish with excellent efficiency and tight humor.
- Peter Wollman

The Leap Not Taken
"I like the concept of this piece - the idea that one might choose to dismiss signs/messages from a divine source as being crazy when in fact they are real."
- Erika Wagner
"Absolutely inspired! Very clever story! I enjoy your style of writing. While reading your work, the words flow easy-breezy. After the reader is finished, the story sticks in your mind like a catchy tune, and it isn't until some time later that one realizes how complex the tale is. "
- Lynn T. Hetzler

The Conversion
"This was nicely done...refreshing...characters likeable without pandering, intelligent without demeaning, and you're obviously well read/researched on both sides of the reason/faith razor."
- Henry S. Kivett
"It's an inspiring story...the quality of writing is excellent. Elmer's use of reason did not destroy his ability to have faith; nice ending."
- Elizabeth Collins

The 40 Virgin Valu-Pak
"This is the best yet. God's staff made up of irascible old men from all the religions known to man, that has to be a creation worth admission to the hall of fame."
- Bill Frank Robinson
"An awesomely humorous short story about what really happens to people who blow themselves up and kill lots of other people! The dialogue is excellent - I love the way St. Peter talks like some weird angelic rapper, and Muhammed's disinterested, world-weary expressions - along with his fixation with pinochle!"
- Anh Vu Doan

Stone Killer
"Very creative. I like the modern day voice set in ancient times and the nonchalant, bad boy personality of Ratboy, contrasted against the noormalcy of the narrator."
- Keith Nakatani
"Great story. I love the telling of a biblical story in modern vernacular"
- Zach Oberman

Revelation
"I found Revelation to be both a humorous and thought-provoking story."
- Terry J. Larson

Lot's Story
"Enjoyed your weaving of a bible story with other elements that, for all any of us know, could depict actual events. Also enjoyed the touch of humor throughout. Good story - it kept me wanting to read it through."
- Tom Isaacson
"This is a very original piece of work, incorporating enjoyable takes on Biblical themes as well as a sense of mystery which is rarely found in new versions of old stories."
- Oliver William Mitchell

Jesus at the Magic Castle
"...a great read, wonderfully inventive and wickedly funny."
- Larry Van Guilder
"Very witty, a clever interpretation of how a recycled Christ might translate into the present time."
- Peter Furnell
"This is very different. My first impression is one of delight."
- Faye Grey

The Next Step
"Now I got to laugh...I found this story from the point of view of an ant creditable and entertaining."
- Bill Frank Robinson
"...the concept of an awareness that bridges the here-and-now and the soon-to-be in the final moments of a creature's existence...what a pleasant welcome back to the zoetrope site!"
- Peggy McCarthy
"Karma theology and reincarnation...from the perspective of the ant as the main character!"
- Paul Bustamante

Divine Inspiration
"This is a very interesting piece of satire that works on multiple levels and made me laugh...a lot. Sometimes, while reading this, I had trouble remembering that I am a devout, Bible-thumping Christian, myself. The image of Jesus drinking coffee and creating waves for surfer-dudes while he watched them catch waves just made me giggle."
- Richard Christopher Baetens

Starbucks Jesus
"Two words: Interesting and entertaining. The whole structure of this story, the dialogues and the characters feel just right."
- Bilal Iqbal
"There are many adjectives to describe your wonderful humor. I can't decide on one so I sued 'wonderful.' Should suffice. Definitely try opium with this bad boy."
- P.H.Madore

The Walls
"I enjoyed this story very much and found it very original and well-written."
- L.R. Roarty
"Unusual, fantas6ic retelling of the walls of Hericho..."
- Cathy Salustri

NEW REVIEWS FOR MY NOVELS AT PUBLISHERS MARKETPLACE

2010-02-17T09:59:00.000-08:00

http://www.publishersmarketplace.com/members/JohnKlawitter/

Review of HOLLYWOOD HAVOC: The Trouble With Fat Boy

2010-02-15T12:32:00.000-08:00

Manic Readers Review
HOLLYWOOD HAVOC: The Trouble With Fat Boy
by John Klawitter
Matthew Havoc has long been in love/lust with his neighbor Bertie's high strung granddaughter Julia. Julia calls him "Idiot boy" among other things but does agree to help him since Old Gramps comes up missing and they have a hunch they know who took him and why. Add in Matt's boss, Vinnie Berger of Berger Royal pictures (aka King of the B-Movies, producer of such wonders as "Chop of Death," and "Keg's War" to name a few), Matt's ex-wife "America's Favorite Set," the bad Nigerian guys and Dim Eddie the gate guard (aptly named) and you have one hoot of a book. Turns out that Matt's dad wasn't just a screenwriter after all (who knew?) he was a bad guy himself —but on our side and he didn't die in a boating accident. He was murdered.

I usually am not fond of first-person books, but this one caught me on page one and didn't let go. The way the author keeps tossing in quotes from Matt's cruddy movies and the way the plot is finally played out make this book well worth your time. I recommend Hollywood Havoc for several reasons: the humor is fantastic and the plot is great—a new idea and great writing style. I believe the author has more of the series in the works. Should be a hit!

NOW NEW BOOK TRAILER for The Freight Train of Love IS UP ON YOUTUBE

2010-02-15T09:12:00.000-08:00

The New Book Trailer for
Hollywood Writer John Klawitter's new novel

The Freight Train of Love, can be viewed at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nW19uAJS2s

CONFESSIONS OF A CLOSET PANTSER

2010-02-10T07:51:00.000-08:00

I used to think I was an Outliner, but I guess I'm not, at least not as good as I once thought I was. I had this clear idea of where my next novel was going...or maybe I didn't... because at 5:30 this morning I found myself writing in circles. I staggered out of my home studio and went to the kitchen and there I started to make myself a latte. Duke snuffled by with that wet nose of his. I gave him a yummie and stood shivering in the cold morning darkness outside the back door so he could do those things he does. Meanwhile, rags of clouds scudded in front of the few distant uncaring stars available at that ungodly hour. And somewhere in that moment of chill confusion I realized I probably was a Closet Pantser, one of those smug scribblers who thinks he's got it all down pat until reality strikes with a golden gong, something like those novices, stoked on heavenly opiates, intermittently sound in the temples I've visited in Asia. So I'm going back to it now, a lot more humbled, a bit less organized, but still, plowing forward. The muse expects at least that much of me.

Bible Talk

2010-02-09T19:22:00.000-08:00

Go to YouTube. Type in search: Rogue Pirates Bible Heretical Book Trailer Commercial
That should do it for your evening vespers.

Outliners V.S. Pantsers

2010-02-09T12:24:00.000-08:00

It used to be classic authors compared to organic scribblers. (Of course, since Coleridge, Thomas Wolfe and maybe Henry Miller, you can't really say 'scribblers'.) Today they are called Outliners and Pantsers (who fly by the seat of their pants) The point is, if you're a writer, do you consider yourself an off-the-wall organic creative, or do you know your story beginning to end and point to point before you begin? I suppose many might say "Something in between". But that begs the question. A way to pin you down would be to ask, "Well then, WHERE DO YOU START?" You see, writers who start with an emotion or a feeling are generally Pantsters, but if you start by jotting down the main story points and filling in the lines, you're an Outliner. Is one way better than the other? I think so, but I'm not going to tell you which. Think of the writers (besides yourself) that you admire most, and then you tell me.
best,
John Klawitter

When in Danger, Brando Falls Over and Pees His Pants

2010-02-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

Last week a reviewer complained that the hero in FOUL, my murder mystery novel, was afflicted with epilepsy. "Why does the guy have to be be epileptic" the critic whined. Sometimes, when I hear things like this, I'm ashamed for the lack of understanding. Other times, I'm angry.

Mojave Heat Chili

2010-02-07T08:23:00.001-08:00

1 12 ounce can tomato paste
1 round jar chili sauce (you may substitute packet of powdered chili mix. However
avoid the brands that vie to be high heat. We want flavor, not death by heat.
2 lbs ground pork or two chubs of pork sausage (mild)
1 lb ground beef.
3 cans Bushes Chili Beans
3 large Mayan "sweet" onions
1 medium sized bottle mild Chipotle salsa
1 can chicken broth
1 can beef broth.

Mojave Heat Chili may be prepared in a large kettle over low heat on a cooktop. I prefer to use a slow cooker and allow it to simmer overnight.

Thin the tomato paste in the broth. Dice the onions. Brown the ground beef and
the ground pork.

Place all ingredients in the slow cooker and stir.

Cook on "high" until the onions turn (become translucent). This usually takes about
six hours. You may stir about every hour. If you cook over a cooktop, you MUST stir every hour, but this is not necessary with a slow cooker.

After the onions turn, cook on low heat for an additional hour. You may keep on low heat for up to four or five hours, ready to serve.

Serve in large chili bowls. Some (me) prefer two cut up Kosher hot dogs underneath the chili and liberal sprinkling of sharp cheddar cheese on top. Also, serve with warm sourdough bread. Red table wine is good, or perhaps a fine ale.

Do-It-Yourself Holy Water

2010-02-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

The most common users of Holy Water are Roman Catholics. The clear liquid is provided without charge, generally in small basins at the main entrance to churches. Although it is free, the services often involve passing of the basket for monetary contributions, as well as envelopes for the organized giver, and coin boxes for those wishing to light a candle. Holy water is officially believed to remove the stain of lesser sins. Faithful also attribute healing and general health to its application.

The official position of the Catholic Church is that Holy Water is divinely copywrited, that is, it can only be manufactured by an ordained priest. While the reasons for this are said to be doctrinal, exclusive earthly patents and questions of rights have historically been subject to interpretation.

That said, there is simple recipe for making holy water that will certainly be in every physical way an exact duplicate of that manufactured by ordained representatives of the Roman Catholic Church. There is a body of evidence and speculation to indicate that this home-made Holy Water may also have physical and spiritual healing and curative powers equal to or greater than any every made.

RECIPE FOR HOLY WATER

Ingredients when combined and sanctified will create one litre of Holy Water

Ingredients:
1 teaspoon sea salt. I prefer granulated Kosher Salt for its historical
nuance and purity. However, there are medical
benefits to iodized salt as well, and you may wish
to use it, particularly if you do not eat much seafood

1 litre of mountain spring water.
The plastic sport bottle with a screw-off top is
Acceptable

Place the teaspoon full of salt on a new paper plate. The cheapest paper plates are best for this, the kind you get 1500 in a big box, because they are sanitary, and they bend easily.

Make the sign of the cross over the salt. This is done with a vertical slash of the hand, up to down, followed with a horizontal movement, left to right. As you go through these motions, say out loud or in your mind, the words, “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.” For those of looser strictures who may still wish to make their own Holy Water, a raised palm of benediction over the salt, this gesture full of good intentions, should suffice.

Then, the exorcism of the salt must be exorcised. You may speak or think the following, in effect talking to the salt and telling it to shape up: “God’s creature, salt of the earth, I cast out the echo of evil by the living God, by the one true God, by the Holy God, through whom all things have their being. May you be a purified, living, heavenly salt, bringing health for those who believe. May you be a medicine for body and soul for all who earnestly make use of you. And may all evil fancies be driven far from the place where you are sprinkled. And may all unclean spirits be repulsed by the power of almighty God.”

Having driven out the evil in the salt, you next must recite the blessing of the salt: “All powerful and eternal Creator, I humbly appeal to your mercy and goodness, to bless this salt, a substance that you have given for mankind’s use. May those who use it in good heart find in it a remedy for body and mind. And may everything that it touches be lifted from all that is unclean and freed from any influence of evil. All this I ask in your Holy Name. Amen.

Next, make the sign of the cross or the raised palm of benediction over the plastic 1 litre bottle of spring water. Now the water must be exorcised:

You may speak or think the following, in effect talking to the water and telling it to be of goodness: “God’s creature, water of the earth, I cast out the echo of evil by the living God, by the one true God, by the Holy God, through whom all things have their being. May you be a purified, living, heavenly water, bringing health for those who believe. May you be a refreshment for body and soul for all who earnestly make use of you. And may all evil fancies be driven far from the place where you are sprinkled. And may all unclean spirits be repulsed by the power of almighty God.”

Having driven out the evil in the water, you next must recite the blessing of the water: “O powerful and almighty Creator, who for man’s welfare established the most wonderful mysteries in the substance of water, hearken to this prayer, and pour forth your blessing on this element. May this creature of yours, when used in your mysteries and endowed with your grace, serve to cast out demons and to banish disease. May everything that this water touches be delivered from all that is unclean and hurtful; through your Holy Name. Amen.”

Now carefully take the lid from the bottle and pour the salt into the water in the form of a cross, saying; “May this heavenly salt and water unite in harmony, in the name of the Almighty God, Amen.” This may be accomplished by folding the paper plate into a funnel and slowly and carefully allowing it to trickle into the bottle in the shape of an “X”.

2010-01-28T07:30:00.001-08:00

The New Book Review

2010-01-27T06:52:00.000-08:00

The New Book Review

More Outrageous Boasting

2010-01-25T10:03:00.000-08:00

I blather on about my recent publishing successes over at http://publishersmarketplace.com/members/johnklawitter/

Hey, Go Write Your Own Bible. I Did.

2010-01-25T07:57:00.000-08:00

Hell, it wasn't all that tough. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John between all four of them never massed enough credits
to graduate from even Gomorrah City College. As for me, well, I have, and then some.

Okay, but why would I do such a thing? I ask you, why not? Important subject, don't you think? Look, if 7,513 horny,
middle-aged lady scribblers can make a living writing cotton candy porn and calling it romance literature, there ought
to be room on the mighty amazon.com for one more stinking tome about how we came to be us and the meaning of everything.

Brace yourself. Do a few mentals. Pretend you're Moebius'classic anti-hero John D. Fool,
Class B Detective, gulp a shot of ouski and get ready to meet your goddess.
Grab your rosary, spin your prayer wheel and see if you can still levitate. Oops, heaven...
no, hell...wait, maybe you should set a spell...hug your teddy, grab your jewels, this here's no place
for weak-kneed fools...that's right, son...you're in the biblical zone.

See the book video on YouTube: "Rogue Pirate's Bible Heretical Advance Promo"

The Explosive Nature of Global Mobility

2010-01-22T06:32:00.000-08:00

In the 1970's (yes, that long ago), I produced a
documentary with Franklin McMahon, Sr.,
World Cities 1970's. Franklin, a fine American
artist, sees himself (he's still alive and painting)
as an artist reporter. He went around the world
and drew what he saw, and we translated that
into a documentary that reported on the world-wide
migration of people from the rural to the urban,
and from country to country.

What we saw were the beginnings of new problems
that would be forced on old societies. When you
have treasured cultural, historical and political
documents--the Magna Carta, the U.S. Declaration
of independence & Bill of Rights, the cultural
code of ethics, books like the Bible--in clear conflict
with the cultural ethics of other countries through
mass import of a labor force, questions of cultural
assimulation and clashes become very important.

There are societies that are still mulling familial roles,
sexual customs, religion in politics, the relationship
between government and citizens, the very foundations
of our civilization in this country, and indeed in much
of Western Europe. We have immigrants living in the US
who kill their daughters for refusing dictated marriages.
We have sects that believe in polygamy. We have men
who believe their wives and children are their possessions.
We have new people who don't believe in religious freedom,
and others who believe power is right.

Assimilation is a slow and difficult process. Generational citizens
of our country often expect too much too soon of the imports.
And the new people naturally hope to continue the values
and customs to which they have been raised.

It's not your grandma's bible, unless she was one of them.

2010-01-21T09:25:00.000-08:00

The Rogue Pirate's Bible Heretical according to John Klawitter is now available as an e-book in all downloadable formats including Kindle, and as a trade paperback and an audio book. For details go to http://www.double-dragon-ebooks.com, or to http://audible.com, or to my website at http://www.johnklawitter.com.

Matter Gently Touching Anti-Matter

2009-12-14T16:34:00.000-08:00

I had a horrible thought the other night. A nightmare, actually. I woke up all wild-eyed and sweaty. What if, the demon in my dream shrieked, What if both vicious Michael Moore and viperish Michelle Malkin are right?

So Here We Go Again

2009-12-09T09:05:00.000-08:00

I’ve had five novels and a non-fiction book published in the last three years, and two of them won EPPIE Awards and one was optioned as a screenplay, so some of you are probably thinking, Well, here’s a guy who has found his so-called ‘voice’, so it’s easy for him to blather on about anything.

Maybe, but let’s take a closer look. Two of my books, Devils and The Heart of Desire, are science fiction. Two of them, Hollywood Havoc: The Trouble With Fat Boy, and Hollywood Havoc: The Llama Goes Up, are action/thrillers. The fifth one, Foul, is a murder mystery. All of them have a strong M/F love interest thread, but none of them are what you might call romances. In fact, my wife, who is my dearest fan, will also readily tell you that as a writer I am somewhat of a relationships retard.

So about a year and a half ago, I decided to do a story that aimed to be more relationships driven. I decided to do a war romance, something nostalgic and sad and true, like The English Patient, The War Lover or Brideshead Revisited.
Now, long ago, in my foolish youth, I lived through a brief period in Vietnam that few today realize (or are willing to recognize) ever existed-those few years after the French left and before the Americans took over the war. All was unstable as the colonialism faded, the insurgency was on the rise, and the Stars and Stripes were not yet in evidence across that old land with its moist, warm tropical climate and quaint, harsh, beautiful, and corrupt traditions. It was the most dangerous, colorful, and exciting time of my life, and I decided to write a story about some of the wonder and terror I’d seen and felt and some of the experiences I’d lived through.

And that’s how The Freight Train of Love was born—90,000 words that you might describe as a classic war romance with strong threads of action and a sense of nostalgia.
Now put on your thinking caps: If you were me, who would you send that book to? Well, my current publisher Double Dragon is excellent, but The Freight Train of Love didn’t seem to fit their list of sci-fi, fantasy & horror.
Me being a novice author in the romance biz, and also eager to get on with the next project, I didn’t do my homework and simply e-zapped a query off to one of the bigger romance publishers for what I was convinced would be a certain sale. And here’s the reply that came back a few days later:

Dear John,
I have read FREIGHT TRAIN OF LOVE and am sorry that I must pass on this project.
Although you have a wonderful story-telling style, this story seems more about Claire discovering herself through Jack’s reminiscing rather than a romance. The doomed love affair between Jack and Mia isn’t really a romance, since the definition of romance is “boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-gets-girl-back” and a Happy Ever After. Jack lost Mia to Joe Bates. If they are to be together at the end, then the story begins there, with their romance, instead of having Claire tell the story.
We have a saying in romance, SHOW, don’t TELL. Because it is assumed the Claire is the heroine, the reader is expecting her to have a romance. Instead, we are drawn into the tortured memories of a man’s past and his doomed wartime love affair. This premise is more of a mainstream novel rather than a romance. I think you would do better to sell it as such since it is intricately woven within Claire’s own observations of her neighbor and friend.
Thank you for considering us in your publishing efforts and good luck with your writing career.
Take care and write on!

So, let me ask you again to put on your thinking caps: If you were me, who would you send that book to? I don’t have a clue. So, don’t you think maybe I should have done all that research before I started tapping out the first glorious page?

Jesus H. Christ, I've got two blogs!

2009-11-25T15:54:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, that was cursing. In earlier times, a common fellow like me might exclaim, "Odds Plut and her nails!" Odd's Plut was a corruption of the ancient oath "God's Blood" and the addition of and her nails was meant to confuse the notion the oath speaker was referring to Jesus's hands, nailed to the cross, surely one couldn't be referring to Jesu Christi, who was obviously a he. And thus it is by guile and subterfuge that we common sinners hope to slip unnoticed through the pearly gates of heaven.

But I digress. My other blog is www.johnklawitter'sblog@blogspot.com.

And, frankly, I haven't the foggiest idea why it's there. Or you here,
for that matter.

Okay, the chart, itself

2009-11-25T15:31:00.001-08:00

You know, your weekly schedule, the one true way to slowly inch from where you are now to where you want to be in your life:

Take a sheet of 8.5x11 paper

Rule it across 25 times, one line for each of the hours in the day. Save a little space at the top.

Make the lines into blocks with vertical lines, building 8 squares for each line.

The 1st line of squares on the left is for the hours. On top of the other 7 squares, the day of the week.

Distressingly simple, isn't it? How could anything this elementary have any effect whatsoever on your complicated, sophisticated and cluttered life?

Come on now, don't be so impatient. Start filling in the blanks. Big block for
sleep. The morning rituals. Drive-time. Work. Lunch. Work. More drivetime.
Dinner. After dinner. Sleep again.

Wow, you don't have much time for yourself--for you, yourself, the person--do you?!

Aren't you supposed to love yourself? Not even a little bit? If that is true in any sense, why do you spend so little time on the things you really believe are important? Who sucked all the poetry out of your life? Had to be you, yourself, the person, didn't it?

Okay, sorry, I got to preaching there. Let's continue. Get your pastel squeekies out and let's color in the squares. Grey for sleep. Yellow for rituals. Orange for
commuting. Red for work. Green for obligations. Save blue for you.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to gradually steal time from every other area on your chart and slip it into the blue zone, the you zone, that place where you loving you can grow to where you openly and freely love somebody else.

Hint: For many, the easiest place to start is weekends. Good to do. But for real
growth, it's just as vital to analyze what you're doing with M-T-W-Th-F.

A Way To Get Better

2009-11-25T13:56:00.001-08:00

If you want to become a better you, be aware of this moment, this hour, this day--but don't schedule it that way. And don't chart it monthly. There are those convinced the lunar cycle holds the key to their success or failure, but that just isn't so. Others look to New Years resolutions to chart their newer, better path. And long thinkers like to work out where and what they will be with five or ten year plans.

All of this is better than none of it, because it means you are shooting off questing arrows, albeit in every direction. But the real prime key to revolutionizing your life is to think of your weekly pattern. A day doesn't tell you all that much because tomorrow will be different, and a month is okay, but so much useless information that it throws you off the track.

Your week, on the other hand, is the map of your life. You can chart it, hour by hour, on a single notebook page. It takes a bit of valor, as you'll be horrified by how much time flies by without much happening. All that time you waste!

But with a little courage, you might take a closer look, and see where you might take back the life that is rightfully yours. Fifteen minutes less for lunch, spent in a brisk walk in the park while listening to Anne Tyler's Morgan's Passing on your iPod. Half a football game spent teaching your son to catch a fish. Even (gasp) an hour less sleep a day to do something momentous like write that book
you've always wanted to.

Yes, one simple but workable aid to being the you you've always imagined is to
outline your week, take a surprised look at what you're doing, and to make small, significant, but very hard choices.

Defining Failure

2009-11-25T13:51:00.000-08:00

N.Y. Senator Chuck Shumer was quoted recently as saying failure is not an option. Actually, he's right about that one. Failure is the natural result of poor planning and bad thinking.

Passing Fancy

2009-11-25T13:26:00.000-08:00

Why are you here? Don't you have anything better to do? Go pick some nuts or berries. Hug a tree, save a whale. This isn't one of those soft-headed blogs, you know. I wrote and directed that short ecology film EXTINCTION, about human over-self-estimation, over-ego, over-population. When Robert Browning instructed us that "Man's reach should exceed his grasp*," this current path of ours clearly wasn't what he meant.

*Andrea del Sarto (1855), l. 97